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How corporate guys deliver a baby


Weight Scale (Hilarious Joke)

Definitions of Designations:-
 
Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
 
Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
 
Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month. 
 
Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby. 
 
Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
 
Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
 
Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months. 
 
Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.
 
Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.
 
HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months !!

The Mind (A Great Lesson)


 The Mind

Fun & Info @ Keralites.net
Adi Sankara was walking through the market place with his disciples.

They saw a man dragging a cow by a rope.

Sankara told the man to wait and asked his disciples to surround them.

"I am going to teach you something" and continued...

"Tell me who is bound to whom?

Is the cow bound to this man or the man is bound to the cow?


The disciples said without hesitation,

"Of course the cow is bound to the man!

The man is the master. He is holding the rope.

The cow has to follow him wherever he goes.

The man is the master and the cow is the slave."

"Now watch this", said Sankara and took scissors from his bag and cut the rope.


The cow ran away from the master, and the man ran after his cow.

"Look, what is happening", said Sankara 

"Do you see who the Master is?

The cow is not at all interested in this man.

The cow in fact, is trying to escape from this man."
 
This is the case with our MIND.

All the non-sense that we carry inside is not interested in us.

WE ARE INTERESTED IN IT, 
we are keeping it together somehow or the other.

We are going crazy trying to keep it all together under our control.
 
The moment we lose interest in all the garbage filled in our head, and the moment we understand the futility of it, it will start to disappear.

Like the cow, it will escape and disappear."
 
We can allow disappearing, all the unwanted things in our mind and feel relaxed.
 
'Have a Great Day'
 
 

Japanese way of cost efficiency .


For those tired of writing useless status reports and attending review meetings with coffee and biscuits……
Japanese way of cost efficiency 

The Taj hotel group had invited Mr. Masai Imai from Japan to hold a workshop for its staff. 

The staff members were very skeptical - the hotel is doing excellent business, this person from Japan has no exposure to hotel industry - what exactly is he going to teach? 

But everybody gathered as planned for the workshop in the conference hall sharp at 9 am. 

Mr. Masai was introduced to them - a not so impressive personality, nor the English all that good; spoke as if he was first formulating each sentence in Japanese and then translating it into rather clumsy English. 

"Good morning! Let's start work. I am told this is a workshop; but I see neither work nor shop. So let's proceed where work is happening. Let's start with the first room on the first floor." 

Mr. Masai, followed by the senior management, the participants, the video camera crew trouped out of the conference room and proceeded to the destination. 

That happened to be the laundry room of the hotel. 

Mr. Masai entered the room and stood at the window, "beautiful view!" he said. 

The staff knew it; they need not invite a Japanese consultant to tell them this! 

"A room with such a beautiful view is being wasted as a laundry room. Shift the laundry to the basement and convert this into a guest room." 

AaHaa! Now nobody had ever thought about that!

The manager said, "Yes, it can be done." 

"Then let's do it," Mr. Masai said. 

"Yes sir, I will make a note of this and we will include it in the report on the workshop that will be prepared." Manager 

"Excuse me, but there is nothing to note down in this. Let's just do it, just now." Mr. Masai. 

"Just now?" Asked the Manager.

"Yes, decide on a room on the ground floor/basement and shift the stuff out of this room right away. It should take a couple of hours, right?" asked Mr. Masai. 

"Yes." Manager. 

"Let's come back here just before lunch. By then all this stuff will have got shifted out and the room must be ready with the carpets, furniture etc. and from today you can start earning the few thousand that you charge your customers for a night." 

"Ok, Sir." The manager had no option. 

The next destination was the pantry. The group entered. At the entrance were two huge sinks full of plates to be washed. 

Mr. Masai removed his jacket and started washing the plates. 

"Sir, Please, what are you doing?" the manager didn't know what to say and what to do. 

"Why, I am washing the plates", Mr. Masai.

"But sir, there is staff here to do that." Manager Mr. Masai continued washing, "I think sink is for washing plates, there are stands here to keep the plates and the plates should go into the stands." 

All the officials wondered - did they require a consultant to tell them this? 

After finishing the job, Mr. Masai asked, "How many plates do you have?' 

"Plenty, so that there should never be any shortage." answered the Manager. 

Mr. Masai said, "We have a word in Japanese -'Muda'. Muda means delay, Muda means unnecessary spending. One lesson to be learned in this workshop is to avoid both. If you have plenty of plates, there will be delay in cleaning them up. The first step to correct this situation is to remove all the excess plates." 

"Yes, we will say this in the report." Manager. 

"No, wasting our time in writing the report is again an instance of 'Muda'. We must pack the extra plates in a box right away and send these to whichever other section of Taj requires these. Throughout the workshop now we will find out where all we find this 'Muda' hidden."

And then at every spot and session, the staff eagerly awaited to find out Muda and learn how to avoid it. 

On the last day, Mr. Masai told a story. 

"A Japanese and an American, both fond of hunting, met in a jungle. They entered deep jungle and suddenly realized that they had run out of bullets. Just then they heard a lion roaring. Both started running. But the Japanese took a short break to put on his sports shoes. 

The American said, "What are you doing? We must first get to the car." 

The Japanese responded, "No. I only have to ensure that I remain ahead of you." 

All the participants engrossed in listening to the story, realized suddenly that the lion would stop after getting his victim! 

"The lesson is: competition in today's world is so fierce, that it is important to stay ahead of other, even by just a couple of steps. And you have such a huge and naturally well endowed country. If you remember to curtail your production expenditure and give the best quality always, you will be miles ahead as compared to so many other countries in the world.", concluded Mr. Masai. 
 
  

Rumors

Once an old man spread rumors that his neighbor was a thief. As a
result, the young man was arrested. Days later the young man was
proven innocent. After being released he sued the old man for wrongly
accusing him.

In the court the old man told the Judge: "They were just comments,
didn't harm anyone." The judge told the old man: "Write all the things
you said about him on a piece of paper. Cut them up and on the way
home, throw the pieces of paper out. Tomorrow, come back to hear the
sentence."

Next day, the judge told the old man: "Before receiving the sentence,
you will have to go out and gather all the pieces of paper that you
threw out yesterday."

The old man said: "I can't do that!  The wind spread them and I won't
know where to find them." The judge then replied: "The same way,
simple comments may destroy the honour of a man to such an extent that
one is not able to fix it. If you can't speak well of someone, rather
don't say anything."

"Let's all be masters of our mouths, so that we won't be slaves of our words.

Important Points for LIFE


This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!!
 

Written by a 90 year old
  
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
 
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life  taught me.
It is the most requested column I've ever written."
 
 My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
 
 1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
 
 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
 
 3. Life is too short – enjoy it.
 
 4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.
 
 5. Don't buy stuff you don't need.
 
 6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.
 
 7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
 
 8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
 
 9. Save for things that matter.
 
 10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
 
 11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
 
 12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
 
 13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
 
 15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
 
 16.. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
 
 17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.
 
 18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
 
 19. It's never too late to be happy. But it's all up to you and no one else.
 
 20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer..
 
 21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
 
 22. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
 
 23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
 
 25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
 
 26... Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
 
 27. Always choose life.
 
 28. Forgive but don't forget.
 
 29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
 
 30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
 
 31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
 
 32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
 
 33. Believe in miracles.
 
 34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
 
 35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
 
 36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
 
 37. Your children get only one childhood.
 
 39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
 
 40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
 
 41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need.
 
 42. The best is yet to come...
 
 43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
 
 44. Yield.
 
 45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
 
Enjoy this precious GIFT called "LIFE"
 

 
 

God Gave Me Nothing I Wanted

When I Asked God for Strength

He Gave Me Difficult Situations to Face

When I Asked God for Brain & Brown
He Gave Me Puzzles in Life to Solve

When I Asked God for Happiness
He Showed Me Some Unhappy People

When I Asked God for Wealth
He Showed Me How to Work Hard

When I Asked God for Favors
He Showed Me Opportunities to Work Hard

When I Asked God for Peace
He Showed Me How to Help Others

God Gave Me Nothing I Wanted
He Gave Me Everything I Needed. - Swami Vivekananda

When writing the story



When writing the story of your life, don't let anyone else hold your pen.

 
 
Good Day &
Be Happy 
 
 

Funny WiFi Network Names

enter your email address

 
 
So you turn on your laptop, check the available WiFi networks, and find...



















 

Health Benefits of Eggs


 

10 Health Benefits of Eggs

1. Eggs are great for the eyes. According to one study, an egg a day may prevent mascular degeneraton due to the carotenoid content, specifically lutein and zeaxanthin. Both nutrients are more readily available to our bodies from eggs than from other sources. 

2. In another study, researchers found that people who eat eggs every day lower their risk of developing cataracts, also because of the lutein and zeaxanthin in eggs. 

3. One egg contains 6 grams of high-quality protein and all 9 essential amino acids. 

4. According to a study by the Harvard School of Public Health, there is no significant link between egg consumption and heart disease. In fact, according to one study, regular consumption of eggs may help prevent blood clots, stroke, and heart attacks. 

5. They are a good source of choline. One egg yolk has about 300 micrograms of choline. Choline is an important nutrient that helps regulate the brain, nervous system, and cardiovascular system. 

6. They contain the right kind of fat. One egg contains just 5 grams of fat and only 1.5 grams of that is saturated fat. 

7. New research shows that, contrary to previous belief, moderate consumption of eggs does not have a negative impact on cholesterol. In fact, recent studies have shown that regular consumption of two eggs per day does not affect a person's lipid profile and may, in fact, improve it. Research suggests that it is saturated fat that raises cholesterol rather than dietary cholesterol. 

8. Eggs are one of the only foods that contain naturally occurring vitamin D. 

9. Eggs may prevent breast cancer. In one study, women who consumed at least 6 eggs per week lowered their risk of breast cancer by 44%. 

10. Eggs promote healthy hair and nails because of their high sulphur content and wide array of vitamins and minerals. Many people find their hair growing faster after adding eggs to their diet, especially if they were previously deficient in foods containing sulphur or B12.
 
To my knowledge, Egg is very good with rich protein. But after some age (like 40), if we can eat egg or eggs daily, without yolk (because it is rich with fat), it would be good.