Google
 

Technical Support....querys


Tech Support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer:
A white one.
..............................
.
Customer:
Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my DVD out !!!
Tech Support:
Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer:
Yes, I'm sure it's really stuck.
Tech Support:
That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer:
No, wait a minute, I hadn't inserted it yet. It's still on my desk . . . sorry. Thank you.
..............................
.
Tech Support:
Click on the 'MY COMPUTER' icon on the
left of the screen.

Customer:
Your left or my left?
..............................
.
Tech Support:
Hello. How may I help you?
Male Customer:
Hi .. . . I can't print.
Tech Support:
Would you click on 'START' for me and . .
Customer:
Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me. I'm not Bill Gates!!!
..............................
.
Customer:
Good afternoon, this is Martha. I can't print. Every time I try, it says . . . 'CAN'T FIND PRINTER'. I even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it!!!
..............................
.
Customer:
I have problems printing in red.
Tech Support:
Do you have a color printer?
Customer:
Aaaah . . . . . .. . . . . thank you.
..............................
.
Tech Support:
What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer:
A teddy bear that my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11 store.
...............................

Customer:
My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech Support:
Are you sure your keyboard is plugged into the computer?
Customer:
No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech Support:
Pick up your keyboard and take ten steps backwards.
Customer:
Okay..
Tech Support:
Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer:
Yes.
Tech Support:
That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer:
Yes, there's another one here. Wait a moment please. . .. . . . . Ah, that one does work. Thanks.
..............................
.
Tech Support:
Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter 'V' as in Victor, and the number '7'.
Customer:
Is that '7' in capital letters?
..............................
.
Customer:
I can't get on the Internet.
Tech Support:
Are you absolutely sure you used the correct password?
Customer:
Yes, I'm sure I saw my co-worker do it.
Tech Support:
Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer:
Five dots.
..............................
.
Tech Support:
What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer:
Netscape
Tech Support:
That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer:
Oh, sorry . . . Internet Explorer.
..............................
.
Customer:
I have a huge problem! My friend has placed a screen saver on my computer . . . but, every time I move my mouse, it disappears.
..............................
.
Tech Support:
How may I help you?
Customer:
I'm writing my first email.
Tech Support:
OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer:
Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it.
...............................


A woman customer called the Canon help desk because
she had a problem with her printer.
Tech Support:
Are you running it under windows?
Customer:
No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting next to me is by a window, and his printer is working fine!
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.
.
And last, but not least . . .

Tech Support:
Okay George, press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now, type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer:
I don't have a 'P'.
Tech Support:
On your keyboard, George.
Customer:
What do you mean ?
Tech Support:
'P' . . . on your keyboard, George.
Customer:
I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!
..............................
.
This outta make you feel better about your computer skills!

bribery culture in India

 

Corruption in India is a cultural aspect.
Indians seem to think nothing peculiar about corruption. It is everywhere.

Indians tolerate corrupt individuals rather than correct them.
 
No race can be congenitally corrupt.
But can a race be corrupted by its culture?
 
To know why Indians are corrupt, look at their patterns and practices. 
 
First: 
 
Religion is transactional in India. 
Indians give God cash and anticipate an out-of-turn reward. Such a plea acknowledges that favours are needed for the undeserving.
 
In the world outside the temple walls, such a transaction is named- 'bribe'�.
 
A wealthy Indian gives not cash to temples, but gold crowns and such baubles. His gifts can not feed the poor. His pay-off is for God. He thinks it will be wasted if it goes to a needy man. In June 2009, The Hindu published a report of Karnataka minister G. Janardhan Reddy gifting a crown of gold and diamonds worth Rs 45 crore to Tirupati. India's temples collect so much that they don't know what to do with it. Billions are gathering dust in temple vaults.
 
When Europeans came to India they built schools. When Indians go to Europe & USA, they build temples. Indians believe that if God accepts money for his favours, then nothing is wrong in doing the same thing. This is why Indians are so easily corruptible. Indian culture accommodates such transactions morally. There is no real stigma. An utterly corrupt Jaya Lalita can make a comeback, just unthinkable in the West.
 
Second -
 
Indian moral ambiguity towards corruption is visible in its history. Indian history tells of the capture of cities and kingdoms after guards were paid off to open the gates, and commanders paid off to surrender.
 
This is unique to India. 
 
Indians' corrupt nature has meant limited warfare on the subcontinent. It is striking how little Indians have actually fought compared to ancient Greece and modern Europe. 
 
The Turks' battles with Nadir Shah were vicious and fought to the finish. In India fighting wasn't needed, bribing was enough to see off armies. Any invader willing to spend cash could brush aside India's kings, no matter how many tens of thousands soldiers were in their infantry. Little resistance was given by the Indians at the 'Battle'� of Plassey. Clive paid off Mir Jaffar and all of Bengal folded to an army of 3,000.
 
There was always a financial exchange to taking Indian forts. Golconda was captured in 1687 after the secret back door was left open. Mughals vanquished Marathas and Rajputs with nothing but bribes. The Raja of Srinagar gave up Dara Shikoh's son Sulaiman to Aurangzeb after receiving a bribe.
 
There are many cases where Indians participated on a large scale in treason due to bribery.
 
Question is: Why Indians have a transactional culture while other 'civilized' nations don't? 
 
Third -
 
Indians do not believe in the theory that they all can rise if each of them behaves morally, because that is not the message of their faith.
 
Their caste system separates them. They don't believe that all men are equal. This resulted in their division and migration to other religions. Many Hindus started their own faith like Sikh, Jain, Buddha and many converted to Christianity and Islam.
 
The result is that Indians don't trust one another. There are no Indians in India, there are Hindus, Christians, Muslims and what not.
 
Indians forget that 400 years ago they all belonged to one faith. This division evolved an unhealthy culture. The inequality has resulted in a corrupt society,
 
In India every one is thus against everyone else, except God and even he must be bribed.

Read this, don’t give up; it’s interesting !!


 

Read this, don't give up; it's interesting !!

 

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5H4R3 7H15 W17H O7H3R5 1F U C4N R35D 7H15 :)

 

 

 

TYPES OF GIRLS in Software Language..


There are basically 7 TYPES OF GIRLS in Software Language..

 

1. HARD DISK Girls:

Remember everything forever.

 

2. RAM Girls:

Forgets about you the moment you turn her off.

 

3. SCREEN SAVER Girls:

just for looking.

 

4. INTERNET Girls:

Difficult to access.

 

5. SERVER Girls:

Always busy when needed.

 

6. MULTIMEDIA Girls:

Makes horrible things looks beautiful.

 

7. VIRUS Girls :

These type of girls are normally called 'WIFE'

once enters in your system don't leave even after format..

Prayers been answered!!


A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem.

I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one   thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots to whom I have taught to pray and read the bible.

My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house.

The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking Parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, "Put your Bible away Idiot, our prayers have been answered!!!!!!!"

A Guy WAS chatting with a female (never met...


A Guy WAS chatting with a female (never met her directly) - Online chat.
(Background, both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's )
Hero: Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?
Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat
Hero: wow...am honored, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat
Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.
Hero: OK (Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)
Manager: Hey, I need some help from you
Hero: [** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me
Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, given value of n. would you give this by today evening?
Hero: I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I give it by tomorrow evening.
Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]
(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)
Female: Hey, am back
Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, she's kinda..... Keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work
Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick people these managers are!!
Hero: Yep, u rite!!
Female: Hey, can u do me a favor
Hero: smiles sure, why not.
Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number; given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real urgent for me to work this out
Hero: hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now. Ok?
Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!!!! :(

dying granny


 

A dying granny was talking to her granddaughter:
"I may die any minute so I want you to inherit my farm including the villa, tractor, the farmhouse and all the livestock and $22,389,630.00 cash".
The granddaughter replied: "Wow!!" 'Thanks granny, I didn't know you even had a farm & all this wealth! Where is it??"

Granny says with her last dying breath....
"

"""


""""""



""""""



Same Service


 

 
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking." "Why complain?" said the counselor. " You're still getting the same service !"
__,_._,___

club 99