How to kill a lion?

ICICI method :

Hire a lion give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary.
Restructure his job, position, boss, colleagues, designation, location
every 6 months. Remove all lions above 40 from the organization or
rename them "Goats ". If he kills 2 goats a day, give him target of
killing 20 elephants a day, when there are just 10 elephants in the jungle.
Lion dies of exhaustion, overkill and restructuring

HDFC method :

Hire a lion and ask him to meow like a cat. Give him lots of ESOPs and
grass to eat. He will die eventually of hope and starvation.

CITI Bank method :

Hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't
score > 60% he will lose the job. Ask him to extract 60 kg meat out of a
40 kg goat. Lion dies of the strain?

ABN AMRO method:

Hire the lion. Give him high impossible targets and expect a premature
delivery of these targets. If the targets are delivered, clap for him in
a Town hall and if not delivered humiliate him regularly. Lion either
dies of excitement or starts behaving like Tom Hanks in Terminal.

IDBI method :

Hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...Show him suspense thriller
"Reverse merger of your Jungle - Part III" the lion dies before joining....

StanChart method :

Hire a lion, motivate him to outshine other lions in the jungle. Load
him with impractical targets and if he finds the prey ensure jackals in
the jungle snatch the prey and credit. Lion dies in oblivion......

Kotak method :

Hire a lion, load him with targets to focus on value instead of volume.
Every quarter change the style and make his life miserable. If he
survives in the system reward him with a hefty bonus else if he leaves
profit of the bank improves along with EPS?

Good night:Welcome your competitors...to keep you competent ! ! !

Challenge Yourself - Stay Alive!

The Japanese have always loved fresh fish. But the water close to Japanhas not held many fish for decades. So to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever. The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring the fish. If the return trip took more time, the fish were not fresh. To solve this problem, fish companies installed freezers on their boats. They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer. However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen fish. And they did not like the taste of frozen fish. The frozen fish brought a lower price. So, fishing companies installed fish tanks. They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin. After a little thrashing around, they were tired, dull, and lost their fresh-fish taste. The fishing industry faced an impending crisis! But today, they get fresh tasting fish to Japan.

How did they manage? To keep the fish tasting fresh, the Japanese fishing companies still put the fish in the tanks but with a small shark. The fish are challenged and hence are constantly on the move. The challenge they face keeps them alive and fresh!

Have you realized that some of us are also living in a pond but most of the time tired and dull? Basically in our lives, sharks are new challenges to keep us active. If you are steadily conquering challenges, you are happy. Your challenges keep you energized. Don't create success and revel in it in a state of inertia. You have the resources, skills and abilities to make a difference. Put a shark in your tank and see how far you can really go !


So, welcome your competitors...to keep you competent!!

Kids think quick

kids think quick TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America . MARIA : Here it is! TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ? CLASS : Maria! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank? FRANK : Because of the sign. TEACHER : What sign? FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?" GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L" TEACHER : No, that's wrong GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD : H I J K L M N O!! TEACHER : What are you talking about? DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE : Me! ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty? GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I." MILLIE : I is... TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am." MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE? TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time." ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?" LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand. ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ___________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!; __________________________________________________________ TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD : A teacher.

Good One...

GETTING MARRIED

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married.
His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was,
and he told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood.

With a sad face the old man said to his son, ''I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother.''

The young man again brought 3 more names to his father but ended up frustrated cause the response was still the same.

So he decides to go to his mother. ''Mom I want to get married but all
the girls that I love,dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you.''

His mother smiling said to him,


''Don't worry my son,
you can marry any of those girls. You're not his son

Sankalpam - Excellent Article.....Don't miss IT.......!!!!!

Think outside the box...

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it’s raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:

• An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
• An old friend who once saved your life.
• The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a dilemma that was once used as part of a job application.

• You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you
  should save her first;
• * or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this
  would be the perfect chance to ! pay him back.
• However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?

‘

‘

‘

‘

He simply answered:

“I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.”

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to “Think Outside the Box.”

Killer English

Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigerette...? "

*********************************************************************

Class teacher once said :

" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"



*******************************************



once hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to america.."



*******************************************



"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."


*******************************************


dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....


*******************************************


it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said

" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)

*******************************************

teacher in a furious mood...

write down ur name and father of ur name!!

*******************************************

"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"

*******************************************
My manager started like this

"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"


*******************************************
"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board

*******************************************
"will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"

****************************** *************

LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"



*******************************************

Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...

"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"

*******************************************

Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father

*******************************************

"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"

*******************************************

Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..

"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??


********************************************

Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..

"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

Upcoming Horror movies in IT Sector......

 

Upcoming Horror movies in IT Sector......







 Appraisal ki Pyaas



 Badla developer ka



 Tester bana shaitan



 Manager ki cheekh



 Tadapti Delivery


 Darinda PM



Client ka Kahaer!



Viraana Cubicle!



Khooni Call

  

 

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Conversation between lovers

THIS IS A TYPICAL CONVERSATION b/w Lovers

 

Note: Conversation ke beech, within brackets jo hai, woh.. ladka apne

aap se keh raha hai

 

She Gives a missed call to him....and he calls her back..

 

She: Hello!

 

He: (are yaar...pata nahi aaj kya bore karegi ) Hi ...kya baat hai..?

 

She: kuch nahi...bas aise hi phone kiya...

 

He: ( Call kaha kiya?.. khali missed call to diya hai... ) oh...ok ..kya

kar rahi thi meri jaanu??

 

She: abhi abhi dinner khatam kiya...tum kya kar rahe the?

 

He: mera bhi abhi abhi dinner khatam hua.. ab...."Ladki Kyon Najaane

Kyon"

sun raha hu FM par....

 

She: nice song..

 

(And then she hums a line from the song "Hum Tum")

 

 

He: ( Saala waha koi chipkali 'kich kich' kar rahi hai ya .... ) hey!!!!

tum itni achchi gaati ho? mujhe pata hi nahi tha

 

She: *giggles*

 

He: Hey ek aur baar gaao na pls!

 

She: yaha sab so rahe hai...agar main gaaongi to sab uth jaaenge..

 

He: ( Correct...woh yeh samjhenge ki koi bhootni hai  ... ) Come on!

Please!

 

She: hat ...I don't sing that well

 

He: (  yeh to saari duniya ko pata hai... :-) ) It was really sweet.

Please gaao na dear

 

She: mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai jaan

 

He: aisa kuch bhi nahi hai jaanu...gaao na

She: tumhi keh sakte ho...

 

He: ( mai? saala mere ko doosra raasta nahi hai....is liye bola ) abhi

tum gaaogi ya nahi?

 

She: kyun pareshaan kar rahe ho?

He: Sigh! Ok

 

She: I don't have that great a voice

 

He: ( saala gadha bhi sharma jaaye teri awaaz sunke.. ) hmmmm

 

She: theek hai... jab itni zid kar rahe ho... sirf ek stanza gaaungi

theek hai??

 

He: ( aur kya kya jhelna padega malum nahi.. ) Great!!!!

 

She: kaunsa gaana gaau ?

 

He: ( tum kuch bhi gaao...meri to aaj neend haraam hai.. )Hmmmm.

'Mahiya'

from Awarapan?

 

She: Nice song. But mujhe lyrics yaad nahi hai

 

He: ( Text book chodke tujhe aur kya pata hai bol... ) Dhoom Machale?

 

She: Nahi main wohi gaana gaaungi

He: ( Tum koi bhi gaana gaao....mere kaan to pakne waale hai ) Cool

 

 

(She clears her throat, hums a line and then)

 

 

She: Nahi jaan. I am feeling very shy!

 

He: Gaao na...pls gaao na....teri awaaz ki samundar me main doob jaana

chahta hoon

 

She: dekho...ab tum mujhe naaraaz kar rahe ho

 

He: ( Maalum pada na  ... phir..: ) )No no. Tum shy feel kar rahi ho

na....is liye... Trying to make u cool

 

She: Hmmm

 

He: please gaao na darling

 

She: main kal gaau?

 

He: ( Haaaaa...jaan bachi... Phut leta hoon... ) theek hai jaisi

tumhaari merzi

 

She: Hmmm

 

He: Good night

 

She: Good night

 

She: Sweet Dreams.. Take care...

 

He: Sweets dreams to u too...

 

 

After a while She calls Him (sorry...that never happens, she gives only

a missed call),,,,

 

 

She: Hey..sogaye the kya?

 

He: ( nahi...current ka aavishkaar kar raha tha... ) nahi jaan.

 

She: kya kar rahe ho?

 

He: ( raat ko kya gili danda khelna hai... ) Match dekh raha tha

She: theek hai tum match dekho

 

He: ( us wakt se main kya bhajiya tal raha tha... ) Hey it's ok...

purani match hai.

 

She: Did u feel bad I didn't sing?

 

 

(Since it is a tricky question, He thinks for a while)

 

 

He: (Bad ah? this was the luckiest day in my life, since you didn't sing

:- ) Bad toh main nahi keh raha jaanu. But I want you to be comfortable

first.... tumhi ne bola ki main kal gaaungi..... So, me waiting..

(maine to socha tha ki aaj bachgaya....dhat teriki :-()

 

 

She sings 1 stanza from the song

 

'Jiski aankhon me meri hi nami.....'

 

 

He: Wow. Too good!

 

She: jhoot....mujhe maloom hai ki meri awaaz itni achchi nahi hai

 

He: ( shukr hai self realization hai... :-)... ) nahi darling you really

sing well.

 

She: nahi..mujhe maloom hai tum bas aise hi keh rahe ho

 

He: ( very good.. aakhir tumne pata laga hi liya..... ) Che! Che! teri

voice agar itni buri hoti to main ab tak na sun raha hota

 

She: Hmmmm...theek hai. good night.. ab tum bhi so jaao..

 

He: ( tera gaana sunne ke baad neend kaise aayegi.. ) Good night!

 

She: Take care

 

He: You too

 

She: Hey....

 

He: ( are yaar..aaj ye nahi chodegi ,,, ) kya hai sweety? .

 

She: sach bataao honey..meri voice achchi hai ya nahi...

He: ( tu apni voice khud record karke sun kyon nahi leti ek baar )

sachchi... Of course.

 

She: sirf jhoot

 

He: ( iski toh... agar ab mujhe sone nahi diya toh...... ) Not at all.

You sing very well

 

She: Hmmm.... tum keh rahe ho to theek hi hoga. Good night.

 

He: Good Night!!

 

 

 

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Only one Product with out bugs from MicroSoft

This is  the only product came out from MS ..... that doesn't have any bugs ...

 

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER:
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