Some funny lines

Some
funny lines J

OFFICE
ARITHMETIC

Smart boss
+ smart employee = profit

Smart boss
+ dumb employee = production

Dumb boss
+ smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss
+ dumb employee = overtime

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SHOPPING
MATH

A man will
pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman
will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

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GENERAL
EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman
worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man
never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A
successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A
successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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HAPPINESS

To be
happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little.

To be
happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at
all.

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LONGEVITY

Married
men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to
die.

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PROPENSITY
TO CHANGE

A woman
marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man
marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

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DISCUSSION
T! ECHNIQUE

A woman
has the last word in any argument.

Anything a
man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

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HOW TO STOP
PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts
used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling
me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at
funerals.