A clock that has only 9's in it
Happiest People
"The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems, but those who learn to live with things that are lessthan perfect."
A Mathematician's Love Letter
A Mathematician’s Love Letter..
A Mathematician's Love Letter
De-Morgan's Law,
Binomial Avenue,
United States of Matrices.
My Dear Love,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in face,conical nose and spherical eyes,standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you my
heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated. My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at
parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset,when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like an unsolved polynomial of degree 10.
With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.
Yours ever loving,
Pythagoras.
Some funny lines
Some
funny lines J
OFFICE
ARITHMETIC
Smart boss
+ smart employee = profit
Smart boss
+ dumb employee = production
Dumb boss
+ smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss
+ dumb employee = overtime
********
SHOPPING
MATH
A man will
pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman
will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
********
GENERAL
EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman
worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man
never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A
successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A
successful woman is one who can find such a man.
********
********
HAPPINESS
To be
happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little.
To be
happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at
all.
********
LONGEVITY
Married
men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to
die.
********
PROPENSITY
TO CHANGE
A woman
marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man
marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
********
DISCUSSION
T! ECHNIQUE
A woman
has the last word in any argument.
Anything a
man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
********
HOW TO STOP
PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts
used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling
me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at
funerals.
Wish tree
May be you wont believe it.. but this pic is of the holy tree in Arunachal Pradesh...
just look at it for 5 seconds and make a wish.. and then forward to atleast 10 of your close friends and your wish will come true, however impossible it may be..
dont take it as a joke...
Interactions with American clients - Useful tips
Interactions with American clients - Useful tips
1. Do not write "the same" in an email - it makes little sense to them.
Example - I will try to organize the project artifacts and inform you of the same when it is done.
This is somewhat an Indian construct. It is better written simply as:
I will try to organize the project artifacts and inform you when that is done
2. Do not write or say, "I have some doubts on this issue"
The term "Doubt" is used in the sense of doubting someone - we use this term because in Indian languages, the word for a "doubt"
and a "question" is the same.
The correct usage (for clients) is:
I have a few questions on this issue
3. The term "regard" is not used much in American English. They usually do not say "regarding this issue" or "with regard to this".
Simply use, "about this issue".
4. Do not say "Pardon" when you want someone to repeat what they said. The word "Pardon" is unusual for them and is somewhat
formal. You can say, ‘Please come again or could you please repeat.’
5. Americans do not understand most of the Indian accent immediately - They only understand 75% of what we speak and then interpret the
rest. Therefore try not to use shortcut terms such as "Can't" or "Don't". Use the expanded "Cannot" or "Do not".
6. Do not use the term "screwed up" liberally. If a situation is not good, it is better to say, "The situation is messed up". Do not use words
such as "shucks", or "pissed off".
7. As a general matter of form, Indians interrupt each other constantly in meetings - DO NOT interrupt a client when they are speaking.
Over the phone, there could be delays - but wait for a short time before responding.
8. When explaining some complex issue, stop occasionally and ask "Does that make sense?". This is preferrable than "Do you understand
me?"
9. In email communications, use proper punctuation. To explain something, without breaking your flow, use semicolons, hyphens or
paranthesis. As an example:
You have entered a new bug (the popup not showing up) in the defect tracking system; we could not reproduce it - although,
a screenshot would help.
Notice that a reference to the actual bug is added in paranthesis so that the sentence flow is not broken. Break a long sentence
using such punctuation.
10. In American English, a mail is a posted letter. An email is electronic mail.
When you say "I mailed the information to you", it means you sent an actual letter or package through the postal system.
The correct usage is: "I emailed the information to you"
11. To "prepone" an appointment is an Indian usage. There is no actual word called prepone. You can "advance" an appointment.
12. In the term "N-tier Architecture" or "3-tier Architecture", the word "tier" is NOT pronounced as "Tire". I have seen many people pronounce it
this way. The correct pronunciation is "tea-yar". The "ti" is pronounced as "tea".
13. The usages "September End", "Month End", "Day End" are not understood well by Americans. They use these as "End of September",
"End of Month" or "End of Day".
14. Americans have weird conventions for time - when they say the time is "Quarter Of One", they mean the time is 1:15. Better to ask them
the exact time.
15. Indians commonly use the terms "Today Evening", "Today Night". These are not correct; "Today" means "This Day" where the Day stands
for Daytime. Therefore "Today Night" is confusing. The correct usages are: "This Evening", "Tonight".
That applies for "Yesterday Night" and "Yesterday Evening". The correct usages are: "Last Night" and "Last Evening".
16. When Americans want to know the time, it is usual for them to say, "Do you have the time?". Which makes no sense to an indian.
17. There is no word called "Updation". You update somebody. You wait for updates to happen to the database. Avoid saying "Updation".
18. When you talk with someone for the first time, refer to them as they refer to you - in America, the first conversation usually starts by
using the first name. Therefore you can use the first name of a client. Do not say "Sir". Do not call women "Madam".
19. It is usual convention in initial emails (particularly technical) to expand abbreviations, this way:
We are planning to use the Java API for Registry (JAXR).
After mentioning the expanded form once, subsequently you can use the abbreviation.
20. Make sure you always have a subject in your emails and that the subject is relevant.
Do not use a subject line such as HI.
21. Avoid using "Back" instead of "Back" Use "ago". Back is the worst word for American. (for Days use "Ago", for hours use "before")
22. Avoid using "but" instead of "But" Use "However".
23. Avoid using "Yesterday" hereafter use "Last day".
24. Avoid using "Tomorrow" hereafter use "Next day".
"Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies
BEST !!! "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
11: I've run away to join a different circus.
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